It's NOT the event that just happened, the crisis brewing, the acheivement just accomplished? It's my own thoughts, feelings, and responses to these that either create "the mess" or the extending love and peace? What do you mean, I decide. I thought it was about you and how you make me feel. Didn't YOU behave incorrectly? I am so angry because of YOU, aren't I? I feel so ___________, because of how you treated me, don't I?
No? You mean it's about my own internal thoughts and feelings ABOUT what is happening that I am responding to? I can choose how I WANT to respond based on a decision about HOW I want to be, no matter WHAT is happening around me, or HOW you are behaving?
Wow!
As I awaken to this, I begin noticing, deciding, and practicing this... I either struggle the rest of my life "trying" to awaken... or as Nike says, I
"just do it"...
What do I value most? Love and peace? I certainly hope so, Ally!!!
It's NOT that persons character defects or wonderful aspects of them that I am responding negatively to or feel connected to.... it's my own thoughts, feelings, and reactions to my own thoughts and feelings... duh... it's not about anyone else but me.
Can you feel me?
The following is from the international website for attitudinal healing..
Is it possible to choose to let go of fear and conflict? Is it possible to heal painful thoughts and attitudes about the past and to bring peace to ourselves and others?Is it possible to forgive those who we think have hurt us, and to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and for the shame we may feel about the past?
While challenge, conflict and crisis may be inevitable in life, at CorStone we believe that what matters most are the attitudes, beliefs and values we adopt; the decision-making and communication skills we utilize; and the ability and willingness to make healthful, positive choices when such challenges arise.
Emotionally resilient people have a specific set of attitudes concerning themselves and their role within the world that enables them to deal with life challenges more efficiently and effectively than their non-resilient peers. Our goal is to support people with the tools, techniques and skills they need to help themselves deal with adversity of any kind in a resilient and peaceful manner.
Attitudinal Healing offers a way to enable us to consciously choose to let go of fearful attitudes and embrace a loving and forgiving path. The goal is not simply to change behavior, but to re-train the most powerful instrument of change we possess, our own mind. Thus, Attitudinal Healing occurs when we realize that our own thoughts, feelings and attitudes about people and events are what cause us conflict and distress.
Developed by renowned psychiatrist and author, Jerry Jampolsky, M.D., over 30 years ago, Attitudinal Healing has been successfully applied by individuals, communities and organizations in over 50 countries, ranging from cancer patients in Russia and Ukraine, to inner city orphans in Mexico City, to life-threatened individuals in the US, and war refugees in Croatia and Bosnia.
Dr. Jampolsky outlined a core framework or set of Attitudinal Healing principles to help people to let go of fear, discard negative and hurtful thoughts from the past, and remove inner obstacles to peace. These are as follows:
These are the spiritual principals of Attitudinal Healing... the underlying beliefs of positive change... jc
The essence of being is love.
Health is inner peace.
Giving and receiving are the same.
We can let go of the past and the future.
Now is the only time there is.
We learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than judging.
We can become love-finders rather than faultfinders.
We can be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside.
We are students and teachers to each other.
We can focus on the whole of our lives rather than on the fragments.
Because love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful.
We can always see ourselves and others as extending love or giving a call for help.
Wouldn't the world, school, families, friendships, intimate relationships, parenting, etc. be so much more effective and loving if we practiced the following?
Restorative Practices
Emotional Resilience is defined as the ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises – to function competently, powerfully and peacefully when dealing with conflict or adversity.
Resilience is not a quality that one does or does not possess; there are varying degrees to one’s ability to handle stress and conflict. Still, resilient people tend to share certain traits. These include:
Perspective - the ability to learn from mistakes (rather than deny them), see obstacles as challenges, allow adversity to make one stronger, and find meaning in life’s challenges rather than becoming a victim to events.
Responsibility - the ability to be responsible and thoughtful rather than impulsive.
Support - While they tend to be strong individuals, resilient people know the value of social support and are able to surround themselves with supportive friends and family in difficult times. (Mills and Dombeck)
Restorative Practices provide a way for communities to promote resiliency, perspective, responsibility and healing while dealing with the repercussions of conflict. Restorative Practices is an emerging field of study that enables people to build and repair relationships and community. Drawing upon theory, research and practice from the fields of education, counseling, criminal justice, social work and organizational management, Restorative Practices help individuals, organizations and communities to build social capital (connections) and achieve social discipline and effectiveness through participatory learning and decision-making.
The fundamental unifying hypothesis of restorative practices is simple: that human beings are happier, more cooperative and productive, and more likely to make positive changes in their behavior when those in positions of authority do things with them, rather than to them or for them. This hypothesis maintains that the punitive and authoritarian to mode and the permissive and paternalistic for mode are not as effective as the restorative, participatory, engaging with mode (Wachtel and McCold, 2004).
In schools, restorative practice circles and groups provide opportunities for students to share their feelings, build relationships and problem-solve, and when there is wrongdoing, to play an active role in addressing the wrong and making things right (Riestenberg, 2002).
The restorative practice framework is a process for forming effective relationships and a way of restoring them when they break down.Restorative practices are gaining widespread prevalence in schools to support the social and emotional learning needs of students, resulting in positive classroom communities in which disruption is minimized and quality instructional time is maximized.Numerous quantitative and qualitative studies have shown that using restorative practices in schools dramatically decreases the number of detentions, suspensions, disciplinary referrals, incidents of aggression and disruptive behavior. Schools routinely report a 30-60% drop in violent acts, serious incidents and disciplinary infractions after using restorative practices for one year (IIRP, 2009).
Personally, in Julie Collette's life... there has never been the opportunity to restore relationships. I have been dealt with in authoritarian, punitive, ways... I have been "thrown away" and never talked to again by some of the most important people in my life... my sister, my daughter, a husband, nearly another son, my father... another husband until this last year when we found each other again and talked non-stop for three days and nights. Whew ~ how healing was that!However, I have had wonderful friends who have "walked with me, holding my hands, and showing me how to "rize up" and live. I have had wonderful teachers and counselors ~ most especially including the doctors and counselors that I have now in North Carolina - who are working WITH me... I am truly blessed!
I cannot even begin to explain the pain and suffering I have held as baggage from the trauma of being "thrown away" and labeled as "whatever negative thing my loved one's used to throw me away"..... I am learning how to "let go" now... and move on...
Life is amazing in giving me changes to perfect my ability to practice coping skills, attitudinal healing, "rizing up" from life challenges... and brings me wonderful loving people to "walk" with me.
Love you all ~ Jules
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